Services About Resources Podcast Contact

Episode 22: Where Did My Desire Go?

Season #2

Where Did My Sex Drive Go?

Have you ever wondered, “Where did my desire go?”

Maybe there was a time when wanting sex felt easier. You thought about it, looked forward to it, initiated, felt sexy, noticed attraction, and felt something happening in your body without having to work so hard to get there.

And now, not so much.

Maybe you still love your partner. Maybe you still want closeness and affection. Maybe you even miss wanting sex. But the desire itself doesn't seem to show up the way it used to.

And perhaps you've started wondering, “What's wrong with me?” Is it my age? My hormones? My relationship? My body? Am I too stressed? Am I tired? Have I lost that part of myself?

In this episode of She Receives, I invite you to slow down before turning your desire into something that needs to be fixed.

Because maybe your sex drive isn't a missing object.

Maybe your desire isn't broken.

Instead of asking, “How do I get my desire back?” we can become curious about what has changed, what your body has been experiencing, and what conditions help desire become available to you.

 

Key Takeaways & Highlights

You're Not a Broken Appliance: Sexual desire isn't a button that someone forgot how to push. Before trying to fix it, we can become curious about what may have changed in our bodies, our lives, our relationships, and our emotional experiences.

Desire Has Context: Sexual desire doesn't happen outside of your life. Stress, exhaustion, resentment, responsibilities, body image, relationship dynamics, your history, and your sense of safety can all come into the bedroom with you.

Curiosity Creates a Different Conversation: “What's wrong with me?” creates judgment. “I wonder what's happening here?” creates curiosity. Instead of criticizing yourself for not wanting sex, you can begin noticing your needs, patterns, and experiences.

Desire Doesn't Always Come First: Desire can sometimes be spontaneous, but it can also be responsive. For some women, desire may begin to emerge after connection, affection, pleasurable touch, relaxation, or other experiences that help the body become open to wanting. Responsive desire does not mean forcing yourself into intimacy or ignoring your no.

Ask What Helps Desire Show Up: Your desire may need rest, emotional connection, privacy, time, novelty, play, anticipation, affection without expectation, freedom from pressure, pleasure, autonomy, or space. What awakened desire in you years ago may not be what awakens you now, and that's information, not failure.

Your Sexuality Is Allowed to Change: Your body changes. Your life changes. You change. Your sexuality is allowed to change too. Instead of asking, “How do I get back to how I used to be?” you can ask, “What awakens me now?”

Your Desire Does Not Determine Your Worth: Your level of sexual desire is not proof of your femininity, your womanhood, your attractiveness, your love for your partner, or your worth. You don't have to perform desire to prove that you are still desirable.

Curiosity Comes Before Shame: There may be medical, hormonal, relational, emotional, or healing factors worth exploring. But none of that has to begin with shame. We can begin with curiosity and compassion for where we are now.

 

Featured Offerings & Resources:

  • Softness Is Safe: If you are ready to move out of survival mode and cultivate a deeper sense of ease, safety, and receiving, explore Softness Is Safe

  • Softness Is Safe™ Toolkit: A gentle resource to help you explore softness, safety, and receiving as you reconnect with yourself. Download the Softness Is Safe™ Toolkit

  • The Gentle Reconnection Pathway Guide: Begin your journey back to yourself and reconnect with safety in your body: Download the Guide

 

Connect With Me:

 

Subscribe & Listen:

 

If you've been quietly wondering, “Where did my desire go?”, perhaps you don't need to search for something that's missing.

Maybe you can slow down.

Become curious.

Listen to your body.

Notice what creates space for wanting.

And meet yourself exactly where you are.

Your desire is allowed to have context.

Your desire is allowed to change.

You don't have to fix yourself.

From safety, she receives.